Intuition, signs, and meditation

The other day on Facebook, I commented on how some things keep coming into your awareness over and over. It’s the universe’s not-so-subtle way of shouting,


Well, it happened again this week. It started with a visit to Amaranth Health and Wellness on 130th Ave SE. last Wednesday. They were having their customer appreciation day and offering all supplements at 20% off. As I may have mentioned before, I am on a lot of supplements and every little bit of savings helps! In addition, a lady named Mary Anne Lema was there offering free 15 minute biofeedback consultations. That I couldn’t resist!

In a little corner of the store, Mary Anne held my hands and swayed them back and forth to get different readings on me. The thing that stood out the most was that I was a 90 out of 100 for intuition. Who knew? Mary Anne explained that although it is a high number, my intuition is actually quite stifled by my type A personality (yes, I am a bit of a control freak). The nature of Type A’s such as myself is that we like to analyze, plan, and execute precisely and efficiently. These attributes directly counteract intuition, which requires a shutting up of the chatter that incessantly goes on in the mind. This reminds me of mindfulness, which as I’ve mentioned, I’m terrible at!

Two days later, out at the serene “cabin” of Little Bow Resort, my good friend Michaelah invited me to an evening with a clairvoyant who would be focusing on fostering intuition. When she mentioned clairvoyant, I was hesitant. When she mentioned intuition, my interest was piqued.  There’s that word again… intuition.

Yell no more universe, I hear you loud and clear!

That workshop was last evening in a little church. It was packed! Kjarlune Rae led us through the evening, opening with some law of attraction and intuition, followed by some readings for a few lucky people, including my friend Tobi and I! Kjarlune Rae was right on for each of us, labelling Tobi as stubborn and me as exhausted (sorry Tobi, honesty abounds here).  With tears in her eyes, Tobi asked her if I was going to be okay.

“Of course she is, because you are too stubborn to let her be anything but!”

It’s true. Tobi’s been one of my biggest supporters throughout this journey, never questioning my ways. Well, that’s not true, she questions, but in an interested way rather than a disapproving way. She’s been a total rock. Thanks Tobi!

When Kjarlune Rae came to me, I asked her if my healing plan is the right way to go (more on that in yesterday‘s post, if you missed it).  I thought I knew already that it is right because I can feel it. I was wondering if the feeling I feel in my heart is the intuition.  I think it is but, like everyone else, I still get those fear-based thoughts going through my head on occasion:

  • What if I’m not doing the right thing?
  • Should I be doing everything possible to fight this?
  • What if I die?

Kjarlune Rae assured me that I am doing the right thing. I’m eating well and taking care of my stress/baggage. “Keep it up,” she said, and I will of course, it’s my way. Even though I already felt this in my heart, it was still good to hear.  I think us four friends left that workshop feeling a little lighter than when we went in.  It was pretty cool.

The third thing that happened was that two ladies in front of us at the workshop turned around at break to tell us about the Chopra 21-Day Meditation Challenge. I’ve heard of this before, in fact, I tried it once. It was likely my first attempt at regular meditation. I think I lasted four days! Because I sucked at it, I soon gave up. The ladies explained that this particular 21 day challenge is all about health and wellness.

What great timing Deepak and Oprah!  How did you know?

When I got home, I immediately checked it out and just as quickly signed up. The first meditation was blissful and I can honestly say that I have never blissed out during meditation. Usually I catch myself wondering, “when is this going to end?” Not this time! It was great and so perfectly fitting for this time in my life.

Every time I fell out awareness (aka. got distracted), I brought myself back to the centering thought of the meditation:

I commit to living perfect health. That feels good.  It feels right.

Today, my call to action for you is to sign up for the 21 day challenge. It’s free after all. What have you got to lose? 15 minutes a day? Come on! Join me!


Two heads are not always better than one

As most of you know, I am not pursuing a conventional treatment plan to deal with the breast cancer.  I believe chemotherapy and radiation to be the most counter-intuitive “treatments” imaginable.  That being said, I have promised those who worry about me that I will keep my ears open and at least hear what both sides have to say.

One might say that having access to more than one strategy would be beneficial.  After all, both naturopathy and western medicine study cancer and advocate for treatments they tote to be helpful.  When neither side offers a guaranteed cure though, what one is actually left with is a whole lot of questions.

Two heads are not always better than one.

I knew going into this journey, being open to both sides would be harder than going completely natural, and definitely more challenging than going the popular, western route, so I shouldn’t be surprised.  What surprises me the most in this contrast of two methodologies is the way I feel in the midst of each.

When I first got diagnosed, I was very accepting and positive.  I was thinking with my naturalistic brain and feeling with my heart, and I was not scared.  As soon I saw the surgeon, that positivity and courage was zapped.  I don’t blame him.  It’s not his fault.  It goes way deeper than that.  As soon as I walk into the medical offices, the lab, or the hospital, the same thing happens.  In fact, it stirs in me before I even get there.  I feel a little bit nauseous, totally unsure of myself, and very unsafe.  I go through the motions because like I said, I’ve committed to others that I will hear both sides.

In between these medical appointments, I go to my naturopath, Dr. Matt Pyatt, twice a week for IV vitamin C treatments and mistletoe therapy (no that doesn’t mean a make-out session!)  In these in-between times, I feel great.  I feel empowered and stress-free.  I feel healthy and happy.  I am welcomed at the office on a first name basis, all of my questions get answered promptly, and most importantly, I am treated like an individual, not just another patient.  The camaraderie that exists in the IV room among patients is amazing and inspiring.


It was this realization today that got me thinking…  being in both worlds is not really working for me.  

I believe that stress is a huge player in the cancer game and am doing my best to rid it from my life while I build myself back up and heal.  Through things like researching, meditating, and following my intuition, I am living life presently and positively.  I feel good, like its working, as long as I don’t have any medical appointments.  I’m not sure what exactly this means for me but the realization and awareness of something that isn’t working is always the first step.

Have you ever been pulled in two directions and not known which way to go?  Did you follow your intuition?