M.I.A. and getting real

Obviously, it’s been a while.  Not really sure what that’s about but I have a few guesses and I think now is as good a time as any to get real about it.

As I’ve mentioned before, cancer is a busy business.  I have been to so many appointments in the last few weeks that I’ve hardly had time to sit down and write.  Oh that’s a good story.  Of course, I have still had time to sit down and write, I have simply chosen not to.

I’m too tired at the end of the day.  Another good story.  I have been tired, but not too tired to write.

I’ve been too emotional to write.  This has some validity in that I have been emotional.  Apparently it could take a couple months for my body to get used the hormone medication I am taking.  BUT… it’s no reason not to write!

I don’t know what the most important thing to write is.  This is closer to the truth.  I have somehow allowed myself to get caught up in a very active debate in my mind about what the best blog to write is.  Ha.  That is so laughable.  I have so much to write that I write nothing.  Definitely not the first time that has shown up in my life either!

The truth is, last week I got scared.  I let doubt creep in.  

Funny too, because just a few days before that, a friend asked me if doubt ever creeps in.  I said, “never”.  I was so convinced that I was doing the right thing.  I felt it to my core.  I had done a tonne of research and spoken to many people about what I was doing and I truly knew that I was healthy.

So what happened?  While having a conversation with another friend about things, a woman I had never met piped in that I should reconsider.  She said that women under 40 die if they don’t do chemo and radiation.  She reminded me that I have four kids who need a mom.  It honestly wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard before.  It’s that fear-based mentality that I have always refused to subscribe to.  For some reason though, it crept in and took up residence in my thoughts, for days.

I cried.  I slept.  I gathered more information.  Initially I was scared to speak to anyone about it for fear that they would try to convince me one way or another.  It seems everyone has a biased opinion about cancer.  I finally opened up to my husband.  I admitted to him that I wasn’t sure anymore, that doubt had crept in.  He of course, remained steadfastly supportive to whatever I chose to do.  He was open to discussing it and supports me no matter what.

I love that!  I love that he didn’t take the weakness as an opportunity to influence my decision either way.  I didn’t want anyone to give me the answer.  I simply needed guidance back to that place of knowing.

I’m there again now.  I see things clearly.  I am healthy.  I continue to make positive choices daily for my perfect health.  

So now that I’m back, I have a lot of catching up to do, beginning with an update.  Forgive the potential influx of posts over the next couple of days but I have a lot to share with you!  Thank you for continuing to follow along my journey.  Writing to you has been so therapeutic.


10 thoughts on “M.I.A. and getting real

  1. Jenn- I would encourage you to stay strong and know that our bodies are capable of healing with the proper nutrition, environment and spirituality. I healed myself of lung cancer with no medical intervention and got pregnant! I never once questioned my decision to go the natural route and not medical. Whatever choices you have made stay firm with them. We have had many clients heal very easy of breast cancer and are thriving. It is not impossible to overcome!! We get disease because what we are currently doing to our body is not working for us. We have to go back and see what’s not working and change those things, whether it be food, stress, environment, mentally, physically or spiritually. I pray for revelation for you!

  2. Recently in a conversation with a therapist she said “Elaine sometimes you have to listen to your body, your body is the one that gives you the real answers…if your having reactions ie: sudden welling up in your throat, short of breath heart palpitating feelings…then your body is telling you something…like..hey remember me? your Body? Yeah that’s right I’m the one controlling you and I’m here to give you some answers”…Your brain wants to analyze everything because that’s what it is trained to do. But your body it just knows how it feels and reacts…I must say it was very comforting advice.

  3. You are great at articulating your thoughts and experience!! You make me understand, thank you for that. I am wondering about your stress management. Can you give any advice on that as a mom? I only have two kids and often feel overwhelmed and can feel the stress of motherhood in my body. How are you making time for youself, in order to achieve better health, not to mention the crazy schedule of appointments and treatments??

    • Thanks Margaret,
      I have so much to say in reply that I’m going to save it for a blog post. I will say this for now. Balance and self care are an ongoing struggle for most people, as it certainly was for me. Thank you for your question and please keep reading!

  4. Hi Jenn, my girl…..I have been reading your blog this morning and am once again so moved by the things you say and how you say it. Your courage and strength remind me to be strong and courageous too in everything I do. We have talked about how I feel and what my fears have been and I appreciate you for hearing me speak and listening to what I said. Jenn, know that I believe in and respect what choices you are making and totally support you. When you feel any doubt sneaking in just bring yourself back to your healthy positive place. I am so happy(but not surprised) that you have such a huge and positive support group. I love you soooo much. Mom 🙂

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